but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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