I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
