Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
