toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
