my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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