im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
whose parrot is this?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
