Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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