he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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