she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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