Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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