guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
