She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
