fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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