i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
