I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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