a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
