i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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