Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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