everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
