You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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