He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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