Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
