AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
