he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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