yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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