I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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