Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
