I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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