If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
