haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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