If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
