it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
