Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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