Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
