It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
