omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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