I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my sisters under your porch take her home
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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