you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
