watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
