??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
