so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you had me at cake vodka
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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