Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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