Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
