It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
