Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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