It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
