you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A bitchslap is in order.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
