so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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