I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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