Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
